John Lennon's song "The Jealous Guy" is one of my favorite songs for many reasons, primarily because it sums up how our mind can take us on a ride. If you haven’t listened to Donny Hathaway's version of it, I would highly recommend taking a few minutes to listen to it here.
I was dreaming of the past and my heart was beating fast. I began to lose control, I began to lose control. I didn't mean to hurt you. I am sorry I made you cry. I didn't mean to hurt you, I am just a jealous guy.
I was feeling insecure, you might not love me anymore, I was shivering inside, I was shivering inside...."
This song beautifully illustrates universal human emotions and how these human feelings, be it jealousy, envy, unworthiness, or insecurity can color the ability with how we communicate and connect. We are all in constant dialogue and conversation with our inner Jealous Guy. We have all thought about the past and have noticed a physiological response when thinking about an event, person, or place that was hurtful. We have all projected hurtful behavior toward another which has come from a place of feeling unloved, fearful, shame or criticized. Symptoms similar to muscle tension, heart racing, stomach aching, excessive ruminating are things we've all experienced when our Jealous Guy pops in. However, these physiological cues are actually a gift to us in that they are telling us to become more mindful. Our mind-body-spirit is usually asking us to breathe, take a moment, and check in to figure out how to move forward.
The figuring out how to move forward can be the tricky part. Personally, the challenging part can be that for many situations or relationships things can not be changed, for whatever reason. Accepting things for the way they are and forgiving myself is a key ingredient for managing my Jealous Guy when this comes up. I also chew on this phrase that I heard years ago on Oprah, "forgiveness is willing to let go of the hope that the past could be any different." That line forever changed the way I viewed forgiveness and it really helps me “be” in the present moment.
I also say this little phrase in my meditations, "I am willing to be open to new ideas, thoughts and beliefs about this _____ (fill in the blank).” It is amazing how this simple daily intention can open up a different consciousness or perspective about a person or situation.
I have come to make friends with my inner Jealous Guy and continue to realize that its tune and notes are louder on some days compared to others. I have an enormous appreciation that my Jealous Guy is just highlighting all the areas in which I can be more compassionate, kinder and a gentler being to myself and others. My Jealous Guy reminds me that life is this dance of love, loss, hope and despair and that there can be beauty in these defining moments. May we all make a little more peace with our Jealous Guy.